Let me start by saying that I never thought parenting would feel like a full-time job. Actually, scratch that—it feels like two full-time jobs, a side hustle, and a part-time internship all rolled into one. Between school runs, meal prep, bedtime routines, and the endless cycle of laundry, it’s easy to feel like your identity as a spouse has been swallowed whole by your role as a parent. Trust me, I’ve been there. My partner and I used to have these long conversations about life, dreams, and even the mundane things like what we’d cook for dinner. Now, our conversations revolve around who’s going to change the diaper or whether we remembered to pack snacks for school. It’s exhausting, and if you’re nodding along right now, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Parenting is beautiful, but it’s also overwhelming. It demands so much of your time, energy, and emotional bandwidth that your marriage can sometimes feel like an afterthought. I remember a moment when my partner and I were sitting on the couch after putting the kids to bed. Instead of talking about our day or sharing a laugh, we just stared at each other in silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence—it was more like a defeated one. That’s when it hit me: parenting had taken over our lives, and we needed to figure out how to reclaim our marriage before it slipped away completely.
So, here’s the big question: how do you keep your marriage strong when parenting feels like it’s consuming every ounce of your energy? I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, reading about it, and—most importantly—living through it. And while I don’t claim to have all the answers, I’ve learned a few things along the way that might help you find balance too.
Prioritizing Your Partner: Why It Matters
Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, let me say this: prioritizing your partner doesn’t mean neglecting your kids. It means recognizing that your relationship with your spouse is the foundation of your family. Think about it—if your marriage is strong, your kids benefit from it. They see love, respect, and partnership modeled in their home. On the flip side, if your marriage starts to crumble because you’ve lost sight of each other, it affects everyone.
I’ll admit, for a long time, I thought focusing on my marriage meant I was being selfish. How could I carve out time for date nights or deep conversations when my kids needed me 24/7? But then I realized something important: taking care of my marriage isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. When my partner and I feel connected, we’re better parents. We’re more patient, more present, and more united in how we handle challenges.
One of the biggest shifts for me was learning to see my partner as more than just a co-parent. Yes, we’re a team when it comes to raising our kids, but we’re also two individuals who fell in love before diapers and school schedules entered the picture. Remembering that helped me refocus on what made us a couple in the first place.
Small Gestures, Big Impact
You don’t need grand gestures to show your partner they matter. In fact, some of the smallest acts of kindness can make the biggest difference. Here’s the thing: when you’re juggling work, parenting, and everything else, it’s easy to take each other for granted. I know I’ve been guilty of that. There were days when I expected my partner to just “know” I was overwhelmed without me saying anything. Spoiler alert: they didn’t always pick up on it.
What helped us was making a conscious effort to show appreciation for each other, even in small ways. For example, leaving a quick note on the counter saying “Thanks for handling bedtime last night—you’re amazing” can go a long way. Or surprising your partner with their favorite snack after a tough day. These little moments remind you both that you’re not just teammates; you’re partners who care about each other deeply.
Another thing that worked for us was setting aside five minutes at the end of the day to check in. No distractions, no phones, just us. Sometimes we’d talk about our day, and other times we’d just sit quietly together. It sounds simple, but those five minutes became sacred. They reminded us that we were still a priority to each other, even in the chaos of parenting.
Communication: The Lifeline of Marriage
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that communication is the lifeline of any marriage, especially when parenting takes over. Let me tell you a story. A few months ago, my partner and I had a misunderstanding about whose turn it was to pick up the kids from soccer practice. It wasn’t a big deal, but it escalated into a full-blown argument because neither of us felt heard. In the heat of the moment, we both assumed the other person was being unreasonable.
Looking back, I realize the issue wasn’t about soccer practice—it was about feeling overwhelmed and unsupported. Once we calmed down and actually listened to each other, we realized we were both trying to do our best but needed help managing the load. That’s when we started having regular conversations about division of labor. Who handles which tasks? Are we splitting responsibilities fairly? Is there anything we can adjust to make things easier?
These conversations aren’t always easy, but they’re worth it. They force you to be honest about your needs and expectations, which is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. And here’s a tip: approach these talks with curiosity, not blame. Instead of saying, “You never help with the kids,” try, “Can we talk about how we can share the parenting responsibilities more evenly?” Framing it as a team effort rather than a personal attack makes a world of difference.
Date Nights: Not Just for Romance
When people talk about keeping a marriage strong, date nights often come up. And sure, romantic evenings out are great, but they’re not the only way to reconnect. For a long time, I thought date nights had to involve fancy dinners or expensive outings, which felt impossible with our budget and busy schedule. Then I realized that date nights don’t have to be elaborate to be meaningful.
One of my favorite “date nights” happened on a random Tuesday evening. The kids were asleep, and instead of zoning out in front of the TV, my partner and I decided to make popcorn and watch a movie together. It wasn’t anything special, but it felt different. We laughed, shared inside jokes, and for a couple of hours, we weren’t mom and dad—we were just us.
The key is to create space for connection, however that looks for you. Maybe it’s taking a walk together after dinner or having coffee on the porch while the kids play in the yard. What matters is that you’re intentional about spending time together, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Personal Time: The Unsung Hero
Here’s something I didn’t fully understand until recently: taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining a happy marriage. When parenting takes over, it’s tempting to put your own needs on the back burner. I did it for years, thinking that sacrificing my personal time was what good parents do. But the truth is, neglecting yourself only leads to burnout—and that’s not good for anyone.
For me, self-care isn’t about bubble baths or spa days (though those are nice too). It’s about finding ways to recharge, whether that’s reading a book, going for a run, or simply taking a few deep breaths when things get overwhelming. When I started prioritizing my own well-being, I noticed a shift in how I showed up for my partner and kids. I was less irritable, more patient, and better able to handle the ups and downs of parenting.
It’s also important to encourage your partner to take time for themselves. Early on, I felt guilty whenever my partner went to the gym or spent an hour doing something they enjoyed. I thought, “Why are they relaxing when I’m stuck with the kids?” But over time, I realized that supporting each other’s personal time benefits the whole family. When we both feel balanced and fulfilled, we’re better equipped to handle the challenges of parenting together.
Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
Let’s talk about teamwork, because raising kids is definitely not a solo sport. One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was trying to do everything myself. I thought that being a “good parent” meant shouldering all the responsibility, but all that did was leave me exhausted and resentful.
What changed everything for us was embracing the idea of true partnership. Instead of dividing tasks based on traditional roles, we started looking at our strengths and weaknesses. For example, my partner is great at organizing schedules, so they took charge of planning our week. I, on the other hand, enjoy cooking, so I handled most of the meal prep. Did it always go perfectly? Absolutely not. But working as a team made the load feel lighter.
We also started using tools like shared calendars and chore charts to stay on the same page. At first, it felt a bit corporate, but it actually helped reduce misunderstandings and ensure we were both pulling our weight. Plus, it gave us a sense of accomplishment when we checked things off the list together.
Embracing Imperfection
Finally, let’s talk about perfectionism, because it’s a killer of happy marriages. When parenting takes over, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have to be perfect at everything—perfect parent, perfect partner, perfect homemaker. Spoiler alert: nobody is perfect, and trying to be will only drive you crazy.
I used to beat myself up over every little mistake, whether it was forgetting to sign a permission slip or snapping at my partner during a stressful moment. But over time, I’ve learned to embrace imperfection. Some days, dinner is takeout. Some days, the house is a mess. And some days, my partner and I argue about something silly. None of that means we’re failing—it just means we’re human.
The secret to a happy marriage, I’ve found, isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about showing up for each other, even on the hard days. It’s about choosing to laugh instead of fight, to listen instead of assume, and to love each other despite the chaos.
Wrapping It Up
Parenting is hard, and it has a way of overshadowing everything else in your life—including your marriage. But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to. By prioritizing your partner, communicating openly, and embracing imperfection, you can keep your marriage strong even in the midst of the parenting whirlwind.
I won’t lie—it takes effort. But the payoff is worth it. When you invest in your relationship, you’re not just building a stronger marriage; you’re creating a happier, healthier family. So take a deep breath, hold your partner’s hand, and remember why you started this journey together in the first place. You’ve got this
