Hi. My name is Lily. I’m a mom. I have three kids. One is five. One is seven. One is ten. I also work from home. So I am online a lot. And guess what? My kids are online a lot too. They play games. They talk to friends. They go to school online sometimes. And I noticed something big. Really big.
My kids don’t always know how to act online.
They are sweet and polite at the dinner table. They say please and thank you. They don’t interrupt. They wait their turn. But when they go online? Boom. Everything changes. They shout. They post without thinking. They get mad fast. They type in all caps. They don’t say sorry. And I asked myself: Why?
Why do kids act one way in real life and a different way online?
Then it hit me. It’s because we never really taught them how to behave online. We tell them to say thank you to Grandma. We tell them not to hit their sister. But we don’t tell them how to send a nice text. Or how to ask to join a game. Or how to leave a kind comment. And that’s where the trouble starts.
So I started a little test. A small one. With my youngest child. She’s five. Her name is Emma. She’s in kindergarten. She loves to play games on the tablet. She plays “Dress Up Cats.” She plays “ABC World.” She likes to watch videos too. I thought: what if I start teaching her online manners now? Not later. Not in middle school. Now.
And what happened next surprised me.
Very soon, I saw big changes. She said “please” before asking Alexa to play Baby Shark. She waited her turn to use the tablet. She asked nicely to join an online game. She said “thank you” to her teacher in the Zoom chat. It was working. And it wasn’t hard. All it took was small steps.
So today, I want to share what I learned. Because teaching kids online manners doesn’t have to be boring. Or hard. Or serious. It can be fun. It can be sweet. And it can start early—like age five. Or even four. Here’s how I did it. And how you can do it too.
Step 1: Talk About Feelings First
When Emma got her tablet, we talked. I said, “How do you feel when someone is nice to you online?” She said, “Happy.” I said, “How do you feel when someone is mean online?” She said, “Sad.”
That was our first rule: If it makes someone sad, don’t do it.
We drew faces. Happy face. Sad face. Mad face. Surprised face. Every time we saw something online, we picked a face. “That comment made me feel mad.” “That video made me feel happy.” I didn’t talk about “netiquette” or “digital citizenship.” I used simple words. And it worked.
Kids understand feelings. Even little ones. If they know how their actions make others feel, they start to care.
Step 2: Make a Kindness Checklist
We made a list. We called it our “Kindness Checklist.” It went like this:
- Say please before asking for help.
- Say thank you when someone helps.
- Don’t type in all caps (it feels like yelling).
- Wait your turn in games.
- Ask before joining a video call.
- Say goodbye before you leave.
- Never call names.
- Don’t post without asking Mom.
We put it on the fridge. And we read it together every morning. Like a game. She’d point to each rule. I’d say “yes!” or “oops!” if we forgot one yesterday.
After one week, she started saying “please” to the Google Assistant without me asking. She even reminded her brother once: “Don’t yell in the chat, that’s not nice.”
I was amazed.
Step 3: Act It Out
One day, we played “Online School.” She was the teacher. I was the student. I typed silly things in the Zoom chat. She said, “That’s not nice.” Then we switched. She typed in all caps. I said, “Whoa, that’s loud!”
It became a fun game. We acted out good ways and bad ways to be online. Like a play. No lectures. No punishments. Just playtime.
We even made sock puppets. One puppet was kind. One puppet was rude. Emma laughed a lot. But she also learned.
When kids act it out, they feel it in their bones. They remember.
Step 4: Show Real-Life Examples
We watched YouTube together. Not just the fun parts. I showed her videos with comments. Some were nice. Some were not.
I’d read the comments out loud. “Wow, great job!” “You are so funny!” Then others. “This is dumb.” “You look weird.”
I’d ask, “How would you feel if someone wrote that about you?”
She’d say, “Sad.” Or “Mad.” Then I’d say, “Let’s write a kind comment.” She’d say, “I like your singing!” or “Your dog is so cute!”
Little by little, she got the idea. Every time we saw something mean, we’d talk about it. Every time we saw something kind, we’d cheer.
Seeing real life examples makes it real. Kids learn better from what they see than what they hear.
Step 5: Use the Same Rules Offline and Online
One day, Emma took a toy from her friend without asking. I said, “Would you do that in a game online?” She said, “No.” Then she gave it back.
Another time, her big brother posted a silly picture of her on his tablet. She cried. I said, “Did he ask you first?” She said no. I said, “Should we post pictures of people without asking?” She said no.
Now, we have one rule in our house:
If it’s not kind in real life, it’s not kind online.
It’s that simple. We don’t have “internet rules” and “house rules.” We have one set of rules: Be kind. Ask first. Think twice. Share nicely. Say sorry.
Kids understand that. It makes sense to them.
Step 6: Give Them Real Practice
We don’t just talk. We practice. Emma sends voice notes to Grandma. She joins short Zoom calls. She plays games with friends on supervised apps. Every time, we talk before and after.
Before the call, I ask: “What will you say if someone talks over you?” She says, “I’ll wait and then say ‘can I have a turn?’”
After the game, I ask: “Was anyone kind? Was anyone rude?” She tells me everything. Then we high-five the good stuff. We fix the not-so-good stuff.
Practice makes better. Not perfect. But better.
Step 7: Let Them Teach Others
This was my favorite part. One day, Emma told her cousin (he’s six), “Don’t type in all caps. It’s like yelling.” He said, “Ohhh.”
She became a little teacher. She taught her friends to say “please” in the game chat. She told her brother not to spam emojis. She even told ME once, “Mom, you didn’t say thank you to Siri.”
That’s when I knew it was working.
When kids teach others, they feel proud. They feel strong. And they remember the lesson even more.
Final Thoughts: Start Small, Start Early
If you remember one thing from this story, let it be this:
Start early. Really early. Age five is not too young.
In fact, it might be the perfect age. Kids that young still want to please you. They copy what you do. They love games. They learn fast. And they don’t roll their eyes yet.
You don’t need a big plan. You don’t need a workbook. You just need small talks, small games, and lots of love.
Now, Emma is six. She’s not perfect. She still whines when her tablet dies. She still forgets to say goodbye in Zoom sometimes. But she knows what kindness looks like online. And she cares. That’s what matters.
So if you’re a parent, or a teacher, or a big sister or brother, try this:
Next time a kid opens a screen, don’t just check what they watch. Talk about how they act. How they treat others. What words they use. What tone they send. The screen doesn’t change the rules. It just hides them.
But now, we can bring them back into the light. One kind click at a time.
And it can start at age five.
