I used to think I was a good parent just because I was always around. I made sure my kids had food. I drove them to school. I took them to the doctor. I helped with homework. I even played board games sometimes. But something was still missing. My kids were acting out. They whined a lot. They fought with each other. They didn’t listen to me. And I couldn’t figure out why.
One night, after another long day of work, I sat on the couch feeling tired and frustrated. My daughter came over and asked if I would play with her. I told her I was too tired. She walked away slowly, her shoulders low, and I felt like I had failed again. That night, I searched the internet, desperate for answers. I typed in, “Why doesn’t my child listen?” That’s when I found something that changed everything: “Special Time.”
It sounded simple. Too simple. But I read about it. I read a lot. Experts said this one small habit could fix so many problems. I was shocked. They said if I just gave each of my kids 10-15 minutes a day of one-on-one attention, things would change. No phones. No chores. Just time with them, doing what they wanted to do. I wasn’t sure it would work. But I decided to try it anyway.
The next day, I told my daughter we would have “Special Time” together. I explained that for 15 minutes, she could choose whatever she wanted to do, and I would do it with her. No distractions. She smiled so big, I thought her face would break. She grabbed her dollhouse and said she wanted to play family. I sat with her, and we made voices for all the dolls. She laughed a lot. I laughed too. When the timer went off, she gave me the biggest hug. That night, she went to bed without any fighting. I was amazed.
That was the beginning of something big. I started doing Special Time with both of my kids every day. It wasn’t always easy. Sometimes I was tired. Sometimes I was busy. But I made it happen, even if it was only ten minutes. And slowly, I saw changes that I never expected.
Why Special Time Works Like Magic
At first, I thought this was just a cute idea. But then I looked deeper. I wanted to know why it worked. And the truth is, kids are always asking one question: “Do I matter to you?” When we say, “Not now,” or “I’m too busy,” they hear, “You’re not important.” We don’t mean it that way, of course. But they still feel it.
Special Time tells them, “You are important to me.” It tells them, “I like being with you.” That message is more powerful than we think. It fills them up inside. It helps them feel safe, loved, and seen. When they feel that way, they don’t need to act out to get our attention. They already have it.
I also learned that kids don’t need hours of attention. Just a few minutes of real, focused time can make them feel special. And when they feel special, they behave better. They feel calmer. They fight less. It’s not a magic trick. It’s just love, shown in a way they understand.
What Special Time Looks Like in Real Life
Let me tell you what our Special Time looks like. With my daughter, it’s usually something like drawing, dancing, or playing dolls. Sometimes she wants to build a fort or make silly videos on my phone. I let her decide. I let her be the leader. I follow her rules, even if they’re silly. That’s the whole point. She gets to be in charge for once.
With my son, it’s a little different. He likes to wrestle, build Lego, or play video games. I’m not great at video games, but that’s okay. He likes it when I try. Sometimes he just wants to talk. So I listen. I let him share his wild ideas, even if they don’t make sense. I laugh at his jokes. I cheer him on. I don’t fix things. I don’t teach. I just show up.
And honestly, that’s the hardest part. Just showing up. Being present. Not checking my phone. Not thinking about my to-do list. Just being with them. But it’s also the most powerful thing I do all day.
What I Learned the Hard Way
There were times I messed up. I forgot. I got busy. I said, “We’ll do Special Time later,” and then I didn’t. My kids noticed. They would say, “But you promised.” And I could see the disappointment in their eyes. That’s when I realized: to them, this wasn’t just a game. It was a promise. A bond. When I kept that promise, they trusted me more. When I broke it, they felt let down.
So I started treating Special Time like brushing teeth. It wasn’t extra. It was basic care. It had to happen. Even if it was just ten minutes before bed. Even if it meant saying no to something else. And once I made that decision, everything changed.
My kids started listening more. They had fewer meltdowns. They fought less with each other. They even started telling me things they used to hide. My daughter told me about a friend who was being mean at school. My son told me he felt nervous about trying out for soccer. These were big feelings. And they shared them because they felt safe. They felt connected.
The Science Behind It
I also found some research that made me believe in this even more. Scientists say that when kids get positive attention, their brains release a chemical called oxytocin. It’s the “love” chemical. It makes them feel good. It helps them bond. It also helps them stay calm.
On the other hand, when kids feel ignored, their brains go into stress mode. They release another chemical called cortisol. That makes them feel scared or angry. That’s when they act out. So when we spend even a little bit of quality time with them, we’re not just having fun. We’re changing their brain. We’re helping them feel safe and balanced.
Experts also say that Special Time helps with self-esteem. When kids get to lead and feel heard, they start to believe, “I matter. I’m important. I can make good choices.” That kind of belief lasts a long time. It helps them grow into strong, kind, and confident people.
What to Do if You’re Busy or Tired
A lot of parents say, “I don’t have time.” I get it. Life is full. But this doesn’t have to take an hour. Even ten minutes can work. The key is to do it every day. And make it a habit. I started putting it on my calendar. I gave it a name. We called it “Mommy and Me Time.” My kids looked forward to it. It became a part of our day, like brushing teeth or reading a bedtime story.
If you’re tired, remember this: Special Time actually makes parenting easier. When your kids feel connected, they don’t fight as much. They don’t need to be reminded 10 times to do something. They want to please you. Because they feel close to you.
How to Start Special Time Today
If you want to try this, here’s what I suggest:
- Pick a time each day. It could be right after dinner. Or before bed. Make it something you can stick with.
- Set a timer. Ten to fifteen minutes is enough. That way your child knows how long it lasts.
- Let your child choose the activity. No chores. No teaching. Just follow their lead.
- Put away your phone. Give full attention. Be in the moment.
- End it with love. A hug. A smile. A “thank you for playing with me.” That makes them feel proud.
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. And if you miss a day, it’s okay. Just get back to it the next day.
The Changes I Never Expected
After a few weeks of doing Special Time, something strange happened. My house felt calmer. My kids were happier. But I was too. I felt more connected. Less stressed. I started looking forward to it. It became the best part of my day. I stopped seeing it as “one more thing to do” and started seeing it as a gift. Not just for them, but for me.
I also started seeing myself in a new way. I wasn’t just managing my kids. I was bonding with them. I was building a relationship that would last. And that felt powerful.
Final Thoughts
If you had told me that 10 minutes a day could change my parenting, I would have laughed. But now I know better. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Special Time is not a trick. It’s not a chore. It’s a lifeline. It’s how our kids feel seen, heard, and loved.
So if you’re feeling stuck, tired, or unsure what to do next, try this. Give it a week. Ten minutes a day. No distractions. Just your full attention. You might be shocked at what happens next. I was.
And now, I can’t imagine parenting without it.
