I grew up in a church family. We went to Sunday school. We sang songs. We prayed before bed. We knew the Bible stories. Noah and the ark. David and the big giant. Jesus and the boat.
As a kid, I knew my parents loved God. They told me to be kind. They told me to share. They told me to say “please” and “thank you.” They wanted me to be good.
But here’s the truth.
They didn’t always know how to help me grow in faith. Not really.
They thought reading the Bible every night was enough. They thought going to church each Sunday was enough. They thought teaching me to say “yes ma’am” and “no sir” meant I was doing okay.
But as I got older, I didn’t feel very close to God. I didn’t feel like I had a deep faith. I knew the rules. But I didn’t feel the love.
And now that I’m a parent, I’ve learned something new. Something I wish they had known. Something I think every Christian parent needs to hear.
It’s not about doing more.
It’s about showing up in a different way.
Here it is.
The Christian parenting secret you’ve never heard of is this:
Be the Gospel, not just teach it.
That’s it. That’s the secret.
It sounds simple. But it changed everything for me.
Let me tell you what that means. And why it matters more than any Bible verse on the fridge.
What Does “Be the Gospel” Mean?
We tell our kids that God loves them. We say Jesus died for them. We say that grace is a gift.
But then we get mad when they spill milk. We scold them when they cry. We snap at them when they are slow.
We say, “God forgives.” But we don’t always forgive quickly.
We say, “Jesus is patient.” But we don’t always have patience.
We say, “God is kind.” But we forget to use kind words when we’re tired.
I get it. I’ve done it too.
But here’s what I learned. Kids don’t remember every lesson we say. But they always remember how we make them feel.
If we want them to know the Gospel—really know it—we have to live it out.
We have to be grace in how we parent.
We have to be love in how we speak.
We have to be mercy when they mess up.
That’s how they see Jesus. Through us.
My Turning Point
One night, my son spilled his juice at dinner. Again. He looked at me with wide eyes. Waiting. Not saying a word.
And I was tired. I wanted to yell.
But something in me stopped.
I saw his little hands. I saw his scared face. I saw how small he still was.
And I said, “It’s okay, buddy. Let’s clean it up together.”
He smiled. The fear left his eyes. He hugged me.
That moment felt like a holy moment.
Not because we had prayed.
But because he saw love. Real love. The kind that covers mistakes.
That’s what Jesus does for me. That’s what I want to do for him.
That’s what “being the Gospel” means.
Why Rules Are Not Enough
A lot of Christian parents focus on rules.
Don’t lie.
Don’t hit.
Don’t be rude.
Don’t forget your chores.
We think rules make good kids.
But Jesus didn’t come to give us more rules.
He came to give us relationship.
He came to give us heart change.
And heart change doesn’t come from fear. It comes from love.
Yes, kids need boundaries. Yes, they need to know what’s right and wrong.
But if all they hear is “No,” they won’t hear the deeper “Yes.”
The “Yes” that says:
You are loved even when you mess up.
You are safe here.
You are not alone.
You don’t have to be perfect.
You don’t have to earn my love.
That’s the kind of parenting Jesus shows us.
He doesn’t say, “Clean up your act first.”
He says, “Come as you are.”
What if we parented like that?
What if our homes were full of grace?
What My Kids Taught Me
I thought I was supposed to teach my kids about God.
But sometimes, they show me more about God than I ever knew.
One day, my daughter was scared to pray out loud. She said, “What if God doesn’t like my voice?”
I told her, “God made your voice. He loves when you talk to Him.”
Then she said, “Just like you love when I talk to you?”
I said yes.
And she smiled.
That was a Gospel moment.
She understood God’s love because she felt mine.
That’s the secret.
That’s the way.
The Power of Grace in Parenting
Grace is not just a Bible word. It’s a parenting tool.
Grace means you get a hug even when you yelled.
Grace means you are invited to sit on my lap even when you messed up.
Grace means we start fresh in the morning.
Grace doesn’t mean no rules. It doesn’t mean letting kids do whatever.
It means holding firm lines with soft hearts.
It means loving first, correcting second.
It means the cross is not just something on a necklace. It’s something in our living room.
We show the cross when we forgive quickly.
We show the cross when we say, “I’m sorry” to our kids.
We show the cross when we don’t keep score.
That’s the Gospel.
And kids need to see it in action.
What the Bible Says About It
The Bible says we are to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
But training doesn’t mean shouting.
Instruction doesn’t mean shame.
Jesus never used shame. He never called people dumb. He never yelled just to feel big.
He knelt down. He listened. He told stories. He used kind words. He asked questions.
He washed feet.
What if we parented like that?
What if we led like servants?
What if our kids felt seen by us?
That’s what Jesus did.
And if we want to raise Jesus-loving kids, we have to be Jesus-loving parents.
When I Get It Wrong (And I Often Do)
Let me be real.
I mess up all the time.
I lose my cool. I speak too fast. I say things I wish I hadn’t.
But the beauty of grace is that it’s for parents too.
I can go to my kids and say, “I was wrong.”
I can say, “I’m sorry.”
I can ask for a do-over.
And when they forgive me?
That’s the Gospel at work.
We both grow. We both learn. We both feel God’s love.
It’s not about being perfect.
It’s about being present.
The Little Things Matter Most
You don’t have to have fancy devotions.
You don’t have to be a Bible expert.
You don’t need to know every answer.
You just need to show up with love.
Say “I love you” every day.
Say “God made you special.”
Say “Let’s pray about it together.”
Leave a note in their lunchbox that says “Jesus loves you.”
Hold their hand when they’re scared.
Be there at bedtime.
Smile when they walk in the room.
These are small things.
But they are holy things.
They are the Gospel in motion.
Final Thoughts
If I could go back and tell my younger parent self one thing, it would be this:
You don’t have to be the perfect Christian parent.
You just have to be a grace-filled one.
Let your kids see your love, your softness, your prayers, your patience, your joy, your laughter, and your second chances.
Let them feel the Gospel in the way you look at them.
Let them hear Jesus in the way you say their name.
The secret is not in doing more. It’s in loving better.
Be the Gospel.
Live it. Show it. Share it. Breathe it.
And watch their little hearts grow strong.
Not just in knowledge.
But in love.
Real love.
The Jesus kind.
