As a parent, I’ve spent countless nights worrying about my kids. Are they eating enough? Making friends? Doing okay in school? But one thing I never expected to wonder was, “Is my child struggling with anxiety?” It wasn’t until my youngest started refusing to go to school—even hiding under the bed to avoid it—that I realized anxiety doesn’t always look like panic attacks or tears. Sometimes, it’s quieter, sneakier, and harder to spot.
Experts say anxiety in kids is more common than we think. But how do we notice it before it grows into something overwhelming? After talking to child psychologists and reading everything I could find, I’ve learned to watch for subtle signs. Let’s break it down together.
1. Trouble Sleeping
I used to think my daughter’s nighttime complaints were just her being stubborn. “My tummy hurts,” she’d say, or “I’m scared of the dark.” But when she started waking up multiple times a night, I knew something was wrong.
Kids with anxiety often struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep. Their minds race with worries about school, friendships, or even imaginary dangers. Some might have nightmares or wet the bed long after they’ve been potty-trained. If your child suddenly starts resisting bedtime or complains of “bad dreams,” it could be a red flag.
2. Physical Complaints
“Mom, my head hurts.” “Dad, my stomach is sore.” If your child often says they feel sick but doctors can’t find a cause, anxiety might be the culprit.
Anxiety doesn’t just affect emotions—it shows up in the body. Stomachaches, headaches, or muscle tension are common. My son once missed a week of school because he was convinced he had a “stomach bug,” but it turned out he was nervous about a math test. Kids might not say, “I’m anxious,” but their bodies do.
3. Behavioral Changes
One day, my usually cheerful niece became moody and irritable. She’d snap at her siblings over small things or throw tantrums. Her parents thought she was just “going through a phase,” but her teacher noticed she’d stopped joining games at recess.
Anxiety can make kids act out. They might become clingy, aggressive, or withdrawn. A child who used to love playing outside might suddenly prefer staying in their room. Others might become overly perfectionist, erasing homework until the paper tears because “it’s not right”. These shifts in behavior are often cries for help.
4. Emotional Signs
Kids with anxiety might cry more easily or seem “on edge.” My neighbor’s child, for example, would burst into tears if they spilled a drink or made a small mistake. “It’s like they’re afraid of everything,” their mom told me.
Emotional signs include excessive worrying, fear of making mistakes, or feeling “scared for no reason”. Some kids become overly sensitive to criticism or refuse to try new things. If your child’s emotions feel “too big” for the situation, anxiety could be brewing beneath the surface.
5. School Refusal
When my child started hiding under the bed to avoid school, I knew it wasn’t just a bad day. School refusal is a classic sign of anxiety. Kids might fear being away from parents, worry about bullies, or feel overwhelmed by classwork.
Watch for complaints about stomachaches on school mornings, frequent trips to the nurse, or meltdowns before leaving the house. It’s not “laziness”—it’s their anxiety trying to escape the stress.
6. Perfectionism
I used to praise my child for their perfect grades, but when they started crying over a single B, I realized something was wrong. Perfectionism can be a mask for anxiety. Kids might spend hours redoing homework or refuse to try activities they’re not “good at.”
This fear of failure can paralyze them. If your child melts down over mistakes or avoids challenges, they might be struggling with anxiety.
What Causes Anxiety in Kids?
Anxiety doesn’t come from nowhere. Common triggers include:
- Stressful events: Divorce, moving, or losing a loved one can shake a child’s sense of safety.
- Family environment: If parents are anxious, kids might learn to see the world as scary.
- Big changes: Even positive changes, like a new sibling or school, can feel overwhelming.
How to Help Your Child
- Talk openly: Ask gentle questions like, “What’s making you worried?” Listen without judgment.
- Stick to routines: Predictable schedules help kids feel safe.
- Teach coping tools: Deep breathing, drawing feelings, or using a “worry box” can help.
- Seek help: If anxiety interferes with daily life, a therapist can offer strategies.
When to Seek Professional Help
If your child’s anxiety lasts weeks, gets worse, or leads to panic attacks, it’s time to consult a doctor. Early support can prevent long-term struggles.
Final Thoughts
Spotting anxiety in kids isn’t about being a “perfect parent.” It’s about paying attention to the quiet signs and responding with love. My child still has anxious moments, but with therapy and patience, they’re learning to manage it. You’re not alone in this—help is out there, and hope is real.
Let’s keep the conversation going. What signs have you noticed in your kids? Share your story below.
