I remember the first time my child had a tantrum in public. We were in the middle of a grocery store, just trying to grab some milk and eggs. Out of nowhere, my toddler threw himself on the floor, screaming and kicking. People were staring, and I felt my face turn red. I wanted to cry too. I didn’t know what to do.
After that day, I made a choice. I told myself I was going to learn how to stay calm, handle the situation, and not let it control me. Over time, I learned that public tantrums are a normal part of growing up. I also found ways to handle them with confidence, and now I want to share those ways with you.
Why Kids Have Tantrums in Public
Most of the time, tantrums happen when kids feel big emotions but don’t know how to talk about them. A child might feel tired, hungry, bored, or even scared. In public, these feelings can get worse. There are lights, sounds, new people, and new rules. This can be too much for young children.
Sometimes, a tantrum starts because a child wants something they can’t have. Like candy near the checkout or a toy they saw on the shelf. When you say “no,” they feel angry and act out. They may cry, scream, or even hit.
Tantrums are not your fault. They are a part of childhood. But how you respond can make a big difference.
Staying Calm Even When It Feels Hard
When my child starts a tantrum, my first thought is often panic. But I’ve learned that if I panic, things get worse. Kids can feel your energy. If you stay calm, they are more likely to calm down too.
So now, I take a deep breath. I remind myself that I’m the adult. I speak softly, even if my child is yelling. I try not to say too much. Just a simple “I’m here. You’re safe” can help more than a long speech.
Sometimes I kneel down so we’re eye to eye. This helps my child feel seen. I don’t always try to fix the problem right away. Instead, I just wait and stay close. Tantrums don’t last forever.
What to Say and What Not to Say
When a child is in the middle of a tantrum, they are not thinking clearly. Their brain is full of strong feelings. This is not the time to teach a lesson or ask them questions.
I avoid saying things like “Stop crying” or “You’re being bad.” These words can make things worse. Instead, I say things like “I know you’re upset” or “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit.”
Later, when my child is calm, we talk about what happened. I help them find words for their feelings. We talk about better ways to handle anger or sadness next time.
This kind of talking helps their emotional development. It also makes them feel safe and loved, even when they lose control.
Choosing the Right Time to Leave
Sometimes, a tantrum gets too loud or too wild. Maybe we’re at a restaurant or a store. If the tantrum keeps going and nothing helps, I choose to leave.
I don’t see this as giving in. I see it as protecting my child and others around us. I pick my child up gently and say, “We’re going to the car to take a break.” Once we’re somewhere quiet, we sit and wait until things settle down.
This doesn’t mean I avoid public places. I still take my child out, but I always have a plan. I keep snacks in my bag, plan short trips, and avoid outings during nap time.
Planning ahead has helped lower the number of tantrums we deal with in public.
Helping Children Learn Self-Control
As children grow, they learn more about their feelings. They learn how to talk about what they want and how to wait for things. But this takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight.
I try to help my child build self-control at home. We play games that teach waiting, like “Red Light, Green Light.” I also give them chances to make small choices, like picking between two snacks. These small moments help children feel more in control.
I also use routines. When a child knows what to expect, they feel more secure. We have the same bedtime every night. We eat meals around the same time. These routines help reduce stress and prevent some tantrums.
Building Confidence as a Parent
Handling public tantrums is not easy. At first, I felt judged by others. I worried about what strangers thought. But now, I don’t let that stop me. I know that my child’s behavior is not a sign that I’m a bad parent. It’s a sign that they are still learning.
The more I practice staying calm, the more confident I feel. I walk into public spaces with a plan. I tell myself, “I can handle this.” And if a tantrum happens, I remind myself that it’s okay. I’ve been through it before, and I’ll get through it again.
Confidence doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means knowing that you can face hard moments and still be strong.
Using Gentle Discipline in Public
Discipline doesn’t mean punishment. It means teaching. In public, I try to use gentle discipline that keeps my child safe and teaches good behavior.
If my child runs off, I stop them and say, “We walk together to stay safe.” If they throw something, I take it away and say, “We don’t throw toys.” I speak clearly and kindly. I don’t yell or use threats.
Children learn from what we do more than what we say. If we stay respectful, they learn to be respectful too.
Talking After the Tantrum
When the tantrum is over, and we are both calm, I always take time to talk with my child. I say things like, “You were really upset. What happened?” I listen without blaming. Then we talk about better ways to act next time.
I also remind them that I love them, even when they are upset. This helps build trust. It shows them that their big feelings don’t push me away.
Sometimes, I even thank them for calming down. This helps them feel proud of themselves. It teaches them that they can handle their feelings.
Creating a Safe and Calm Home
Tantrums are more common when a child feels stressed. I try to keep our home calm and peaceful. I keep screen time low and play music instead. I read books with my child and spend time playing together.
We talk about our day during dinner. I ask how they feel and what they liked best. This helps my child feel heard. When they feel safe at home, they are more likely to feel safe in public too.
Even though we can’t stop all tantrums, we can make sure our children feel supported and understood.
Teaching by Example Every Day
Children watch us more than we know. When I handle stress with calm words and deep breaths, they learn to do the same. When I treat others with kindness, they copy that too.
So I work on my own self-control. I try not to yell or act out when I feel upset. If I do, I say sorry and show that I’m still learning too.
Being a parent means growing right along with your child. Every tantrum is a chance to teach, to connect, and to build confidence—for both of us.
