Let me say this first: I have made mistakes. A lot of them. And I am a parent.

That means I’ve said the wrong thing. I’ve yelled when I should have listened. I’ve looked at my phone when I should have looked at my child. I’ve been too tired. Too impatient. Too distracted. Too human.

And the truth is, those moments hurt. Not just my child, but me too.

So if you’re reading this and thinking, I did something wrong. I feel bad. I don’t know how to make it better, I see you. I understand.

This is not about being perfect. This is about being real. This is about looking at our parenting mistakes, feeling the pain, learning from it, and then forgiving ourselves.

Because holding on to guilt doesn’t help our kids. And it doesn’t help us.

Here’s how I learned to forgive myself for my parenting mistakes. Step by step.

1. Say the truth out loud

This was the hardest step for me. I didn’t want to admit that I had messed up.

But saying it made it real, and also helped me let go of shame.

Here’s what I said one day, sitting alone on my bed, crying:

“I yelled at my kid for no good reason. I was tired. I was angry. And I took it out on them. That was not okay.”

That sentence hurt. But it also helped.

When we hide from the truth, the guilt grows. But when we say it out loud, even if just to ourselves, we take away its power.

You don’t need to shout it to the world. Just whisper it to yourself. Write it in a journal. Say it in the shower. But say it.

Truth sets us free.

2. Remember that parenting is hard

People act like parenting should be natural. Like it should be easy. Like love is enough.

But love isn’t always enough.

Parenting is work. It is long, tiring, messy, thankless work.

Some days I feel like I’m failing every five minutes.

And the truth is: most parents feel this way. Even the ones who look perfect. Even the ones who smile in every photo.

We are human. We are flawed. And we are trying.

When I remind myself that parenting is hard for everyone, I stop feeling like a monster.

I start to feel like a human being who is doing her best.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough.

3. Talk to your child about it

This part scared me.

I thought if I admitted my mistake to my child, they’d stop respecting me. They’d stop loving me.

But something surprising happened.

I sat down with my kid and said: “I yelled at you yesterday. I’m sorry. That wasn’t right. You didn’t deserve that.”

And you know what they said?

“It’s okay, Mom. I love you.”

That moment broke me.

Not because I deserved forgiveness, but because I realized kids are so much more forgiving than we are.

They want connection more than perfection.

Talking about our mistakes with our kids shows them how to say sorry. It shows them how to take responsibility. It shows them that love is stronger than anger.

And it helps us heal, too.

4. Write it down and tear it up

There’s something powerful about writing.

When I couldn’t stop thinking about something I did wrong, I’d take a piece of paper and write it all down. Every awful detail. Every bad feeling.

Then I’d read it once. Say, “I forgive myself.” And then I’d tear it up.

Rip. Rip. Rip.

I’d throw it in the trash.

This wasn’t magic. But it helped me stop carrying those heavy thoughts around all day.

It gave me something to do with the pain.

And sometimes doing something physical helps our heart let go.

5. Look at the bigger picture

I like to think about parenting like a movie.

If someone watched a five-minute clip of me at my worst, they might think I’m a bad parent.

But if they watched the whole movie—every bedtime story, every hug, every scraped knee I kissed—they’d see something different.

They’d see love.

They’d see someone who keeps showing up.

That’s what I try to remember.

One bad moment doesn’t define me. One mistake doesn’t erase all the good.

You are not the worst thing you’ve done. You are the sum of all the love you give.

6. Give yourself the advice you’d give a friend

I used to say the meanest things to myself.

“You’re a terrible mom.” “You ruin everything.” “Your kid will never forget this.”

Then I stopped and asked: Would I ever say that to a friend?

Never.

If my friend came to me in tears, feeling like a failure, I would hug her. I would tell her: “You’re doing your best. You had a hard day. It’s going to be okay.”

So now I try to say those things to myself.

Because I deserve the same kindness I’d give anyone else.

And so do you.

7. Learn from it without beating yourself up

Every mistake can be a teacher.

If I yelled because I was tired, I try to rest more. If I snapped because I was stressed, I look for ways to calm down. If I said something mean, I ask myself why—and how I can say it better next time.

Learning doesn’t mean punishing ourselves.

It means looking at what happened, and gently choosing a better way.

When we forgive ourselves and learn at the same time, we grow.

And that’s the kind of parent I want to be—not perfect, but growing.

8. Stop comparing yourself to other parents

This one is hard.

We see parents on social media, in parks, at school pickup. They look calm. Put together. Patient.

And we feel like we’re not enough.

But we don’t see their hard moments. We don’t see the fights in the car. The breakdowns in the bathroom. The nights they cry themselves to sleep.

We only see the highlight reel.

So we compare our worst to their best, and we always lose.

The truth? No one gets it right all the time. Not me. Not you. Not them.

So instead of comparing, I try to connect.

I talk to real parents. I ask real questions. I say the truth.

And I find out—we’re all in this together.

9. Let go of the need to be perfect

Perfection is not the goal. Connection is.

When I let go of trying to be the perfect parent, I became a better one.

Because I was more present. More real. More loving.

My child doesn’t need me to never mess up. They need me to be honest.

They need me to say: “I messed up. I’m sorry. I love you.”

That kind of parenting builds trust. That kind of parenting lasts.

So I try, each day, to be good enough—not perfect.

And that’s okay.

10. Give yourself time

Healing doesn’t happen in a day.

Some mistakes live in my mind for a long time.

But each day I practice.

I forgive myself a little. I try a little harder. I love a little more.

And over time, the guilt gets lighter.

The shame gets smaller.

The love gets bigger.

You don’t have to rush. Just keep moving forward. One step. One breath. One moment at a time.

Final thoughts: You are still a good parent

If you feel bad for a parenting mistake, it means you care. If you’re reading this right now, it means you’re trying.

And that means something.

Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean forgetting. It means letting go of punishment, and holding onto love.

Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need you. With your flaws. Your mistakes. Your soft heart.

You’re allowed to be human.

And you’re allowed to forgive yourself.

Because you are still a good parent.

And you’re doing better than you think.