When I was a kid, I hated chores. I mean really, really hated them. My mom would say, “Clean your room,” and I’d groan so loud you’d think the world was ending. Washing dishes felt like torture. Folding clothes? No, thank you. Sweeping the floor? Not in this lifetime.
But now that I’m older, something funny has happened.
I actually see chores in a new way. Not just as something we have to do, but as something that helps us grow.
I always thought chores were just about keeping the house clean. I thought they were about helping parents so they didn’t have to do everything themselves. And sure, that’s part of it.
But I’ve learned something surprising.
There’s a benefit to chores for kids that no one talks about. It’s not about having a clean house. It’s not even about learning responsibility.
It’s about belonging.
Yes. Belonging.
Let me explain.
Chores Make Kids Feel Like They Matter
When a kid is asked to do a chore, what they hear isn’t just “Go take out the trash.” What they feel, deep down, is “You are needed here.”
When we give kids chores, we’re saying:
“You are part of this team.”
“You have something important to give.”
“You are not just a guest in this house. You belong here.”
I didn’t realize this when I was a kid, of course. All I saw was the soap on the dishes and the crumbs on the floor. But now that I’m a parent, and I watch my own kids do chores, I see it with new eyes.
One day, my son—he’s seven—was helping fold laundry. I didn’t even ask. He just saw me doing it and came over. At first, he folded a shirt in a way that looked more like a ball of paper than a piece of clothing. But I smiled and said, “Thanks for helping me.” His eyes lit up like I’d given him a trophy.
It wasn’t the folding that made him feel good.
It was being part of something.
He felt like he mattered.
Chores Teach More Than Just Skills
Yes, chores teach skills. They help kids learn how to wash dishes, sweep floors, and do laundry. That’s important.
But the real gift is deeper.
When kids do chores, they learn:
- How to care for others
- How to notice what needs to be done
- How to be helpful without being asked
- How to feel proud of a job well done
And they also learn something else.
They learn that their presence in the family is not just tolerated—it’s valued.
Think about that.
That’s a powerful message.
Not Every Chore Is a Lesson (And That’s Okay)
Let me be real for a second.
Sometimes chores are just chores.
Sometimes your kid spills cereal and has to clean it up. No big lesson. Just a mess and a paper towel.
And that’s okay.
But over time, the act of doing small things adds up.
It builds habits.
It builds character.
And maybe most of all, it builds connection.
The Science Backs It Up Too
I’m not just making this up.
There’s real research that shows kids who do chores are more likely to grow up to be successful adults.
One big study from Harvard found that the biggest predictor of success wasn’t grades or IQ. It was whether the person did chores as a child.
Why?
Because chores build a mindset.
A mindset that says, “I’m not the center of the world. I help the people around me. I make things better.”
That’s huge.
It’s something we need more of in this world.
And it starts with the trash can and the broom.
How I Changed My Mind About Chores
I’ll be honest. When I first became a parent, I didn’t want to make my kids do chores. I thought I was being kind. I thought I was letting them “just be kids.”
But then I noticed something.
They weren’t happy just playing all day. They started acting out. Getting cranky. Complaining more. I didn’t get it.
One day, I gave my daughter a job just to keep her busy. I said, “Can you match these socks?”
She did it. She was proud. She showed everyone in the house.
After that, I started giving her more little jobs. Watering the plants. Wiping the table. Feeding the dog.
The more she did, the better she behaved.
She wasn’t bored. She was proud.
She was helping. She was part of the team.
And that’s when it hit me.
Kids don’t just want fun.
They want purpose.
They want to feel useful.
And chores give them that.
Not About Perfection
Now, I know what some of you are thinking.
“My kid folds towels like a wild raccoon.”
“Everything takes twice as long when my kids help.”
“I could do it faster and better myself.”
Yes. I get it.
Same here.
But I’ve learned to let go of perfect.
Because the goal isn’t perfect laundry.
The goal is raising people who care.
So when my kids help, I smile—even if the socks don’t match.
Even if the dishes are still a little soapy.
Even if the room still looks like a hurricane passed through.
Because they’re learning.
They’re growing.
And they’re feeling proud.
That’s the win.
Chores Aren’t Punishment
One thing I try hard to remember is this:
Chores are not punishment.
They’re not something we give kids only when they’ve done something wrong.
They’re a normal, healthy part of family life.
And when we treat them like something special—something that shows trust and respect—kids rise to the challenge.
My son once said, “Can I sweep today? You didn’t ask me.”
That’s when I knew.
This was working.
Start Small
If your kids don’t do chores yet, don’t worry. It’s never too late to start.
Just start small.
Give one little job.
Celebrate the effort.
Not the result—the effort.
Say, “Thank you for helping.”
Say, “You’re such an important part of this family.”
And keep it going.
Over time, it becomes a habit.
A rhythm.
A culture.
The Hidden Gift
At the end of the day, here’s what I believe:
Chores are not about getting things done.
They’re about giving kids a place in the world.
A role.
A purpose.
A sense that they belong.
And in a world where so many people feel alone or invisible, that’s a gift worth giving.
So next time you ask your kid to help out, remember this:
You’re not just teaching them to mop.
You’re teaching them to love.
To give.
To care.
And to believe that they matter.
Because they do.
Final Thoughts
If you’re like me, you probably thought chores were just about keeping the house clean. Or maybe teaching responsibility. And yes, they do both.
But the real magic of chores—the surprising benefit—is how they make kids feel inside.
They make kids feel seen.
They make kids feel strong.
They make kids feel like they are part of something that matters.
And really, isn’t that what we all want?
So hand your kid a sponge. Or a broom. Or a laundry basket.
And know that you’re not just raising a helper.
You’re raising a human who feels like they belong.
That’s the real win.
